Being in a toxic relationship can leave you feeling worthless, helpless, have low self-esteem (if you have any self-esteem left), mentally and emotionally drained, give you depression and anxiety, and the list goes on and on.
Nobody wants to feel that way. You may feel like there is never going to be a peaceful feeling in your soul ever again. Like you are stuck in a never-ending cycle of feeling like shit.
Nobody seems to understand just how bad you feel. Nobody gets the dark feelings.
I know this because I was once right where you are at. I had just gotten out of the abusive relationship I was in. I had been yelled at and put down so much that I started believing some of it. I didn’t think that I would ever find peace in my life.
I did though, and it was the most freeing experience. I felt that I could face life again and face life on life’s terms. I know that you are feeling lost. Trust me and take my hand and let’s find you some peace.
In this guide, I will walk you through what I did to free myself from those dark feelings.
What happens after a toxic relationship
After a toxic relationship, you feel drained, like you have gone crazy. You can’t believe you let the abuse go on for so long. You start to beat yourself up about it. Feeling sorry for yourself.
It is like there’s no end to the bad feelings. To make matters worse, your abuser is living life just fine. They don’t seem to have missed a beat. Their lives went unaffected.
This was one of the hardest things for me to grasp. It was that I felt so alone and at my lowest, and my abuser is out having fun and getting to live life. I would think, how unfair it was that I felt dark inside, and he gets to act as if nothing ever happen. Telling people that I was making this stuff up. That I wasn’t telling the truth.
I am telling you right now that I do believe you and that I want to help you find peace again. I want you to have your life back that was taken from you.
The depression and anxiety are so heavy. There seems to be no end to this feeling. Life is hard to live. To the point that you may think “what is the point”. When you have these thoughts, please reach out and get some help.
Let me tell you there is an end to this misery. The bad feelings don’t last forever. Just feels like it at first. There is light at the end of this tunnel.
How do you move on after a toxic relationship
There are a few things you can do that will help you to move on after a toxic relationship. You can try some of this out. You may not like all the ideas or don’t want to try them right now. That is okay.
You could, though, pick at least one to try, at first. When I tried some of these, in the beginning, I thought “how dumb is this”. However, after a couple of times, it became routine for me to do. At first, some may feel uncomfortable. That is okay, keep doing them. When we are uncomfortable, we are growing.
I know when I feel uncomfortable doing something new, like writing articles for my blog (that is uncomfortable at times), I keep going because it means I am growing and helping others.
Here are a couple of ideas of what I did to help me move on:
- Get some professional help like a therapist
- Find a mentor or a life coach
- Start to talk about what happen without feeling shame (Remember you did nothing wrong)
- Find a support group to open up to about what happen
- Lean on your support system
- Start a journal and write down your feelings
Taking Care of yourself after a toxic relationship
Taking care of yourself is very important after you get out of a toxic relationship. You should be your number one focus. Even if you have kids. You cannot care for them if you can’t even care for yourself properly.
There are so many things you can do to care for yourself. So many ideas out there online, that they can get to be a blur and also overwhelming.
Don’t get overwhelmed by the list below. Look at it as a tool. You are building a toolbox of recovery from your toxic relationship. In order to heal and move on in life.
Try one or two to start off with. Try to do what you pick out daily. If you miss a day, that is okay. Don’t get down on yourself. Just pick it back up the next day and move on. The point is for you to heal and build yourself up.
Tips on how to care for yourself
- Journal – about anything that comes up from the past. Just write without editing or putting yourself down. Journal about your day. I call this free writing because you are free to write whatever you want.
- Read self-help books – there are many books out there about recovering from abuse. My favorite is “Beauty to Ashes” by Joyce Meyer
- Meditate – I know this one can be tricky. It was for me. However, when you are feeling anxiety and overwhelmed, meditating can help. Start off with a short meditation and work your way up to longer ones. There are many to pick from on YouTube.
- Family and Friends – Surround yourself with positive friends and family. You will need a strong support system after you leave a toxic relationship.
- Hygiene – this one may sound silly, but sometimes when get so down and depressed, showering and grooming is something that gets put off.
- Self-care – this could be many things. Such as bubble bath, affirmation cards in the morning, getting your nails done, putting on make-up to feel better, getting the right amount of sleep, waking up early to have “me” time before everyone gets up, etc. Anything that is caring for yourself is self-care.
Forgiveness to yourself and abuser
By far, this is the hardest one. I struggled with this for a long time. Start by forgiving yourself for allowing the abuse and staying in that situation. You are judging yourself more than anyone else.
Forgive your abuser. This will not happen overnight. It may not even happen in the first year. Forgiving the person is for yourself, not for them. Let go of the anger and pain that they have caused you. This can be done in many ways:
- Going to therapy
- Getting a life coach or mentor
- Write a letter (don’t send it)
- Pray that you are able to find forgiveness.
I give you those options because that is what helped me to forgive. I prayed every day. Also, I talked to my therapist and mentor anytime feelings came up about trying to forgive my abuser.
I would love to work with you as I am a woman’s transformation life coach. I help women regain back their personal power and confidence. I help women reach their full potential in their life and find purpose again. I have worked with several women who have recovered from domestic violence. They are enjoying life again.
This is not easy. However, this is the most freeing experience you will have after a toxic relationship. Which is an important step in the healing process.
Finding peace after a toxic relationship
You can find peace after a bad relationship. You are able to feel peace after you have taken the steps to take so. There are many steps. You don’t have to do them in order, just make sure you do the steps. I know that coming out of a toxic relationship is hard and overwhelming.
Finding peace will take work on your part. It will not just happen by itself. Nobody gets peace by just hoping for it. You have to take the steps needed to feel at peace.
These steps can include:
- Get some kind of professional help from a therapist or life coach
- Take care of yourself
- Cut the abuser off from your life
- Forgive yourself and your abuser
- Take the time needed for yourself in order to feel any emotions that need to come up. Remember it is just an emotion and emotions are not fact (even though they feel that way).
- Find friends and family that will support you and uplift you
- Find something you enjoy doing. Like a hobby. Mine is blogging.
These steps are the steps I took to find peace. They are not professional help they are my opinion and what helped me find peace. If you are in a dangerous place in your life and want to hurt yourself or others then get professional help. If you are depressed and feel like you cannot go on in life get professional help. I had to get professional help to find happiness again. There is nothing wrong with getting outside help.
Put It All Together
I hope that you were able to add some of these ideas to your toolbox of recovery. I hope that you are able to find peace and happiness in your life again. Leaving a toxic relationship is never easy, but it is one of the bravest things you will ever do.
Remember, you are a strong woman. You left the toxic relationship behind. You are a powerful force, and your personal power will come through as you heal. You are a survivor. I know it all seems dark right now, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
If you have any questions or comments, then leave me a comment below. I will be sending good thoughts your way.
Have a blessed rest of your day.
This article is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be used in place of professional advice, medical treatment, or professional care in any way. This article is not intended to be and should not be a substitute for professional care, advice, or treatment. Please consult with your physician or healthcare provider before changing any health regimen. This article is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent diseases of any kind.