Healing starts within.
No matter what is going on in the world, no matter what is happening in your life, you must take care of yourself first. You must love yourself first. You must respect yourself first.
To heal and grow, we must take care of ourselves first and foremost. We must give ourselves the time and energy that we need to truly heal our wounds and make them stronger than they were before.
This won’t be an easy task. You must work on this daily. For me, this took months to figure out. My questions were “how in the hell do I love myself when everything is falling apart in my life?” How do I even show myself self-care when I don’t even care about life?”
There is a solution to these questions and the self-love we will explore below. Don’t give up on yourself yet. There is hope and there is a way to love yourself again this won’t happen overnight but with some work on your part, it will happen.
- The Cycle of Abuse and How Self Love Can Help Heal from Domestic Violence
- Why is it Hard to Start on the Road to Self-Love?
- What is Self-Love and Why It’s Important
- How To Learn to Love Yourself Again After Experiencing Domestic Violence
- How to Start the Healing Process with Self Love
- Set Boundaries for Yourself
- Have Fun Again
- Treat Yourself with Love and Compassion
- Conclusion: The Importance of Loving Yourself in Recovery from Domestic Violence
The Cycle of Abuse and How Self Love Can Help Heal from Domestic Violence
The cycle of abuse is a pattern that occurs in relationships that are characterized by an imbalance of power. Domestic violence is the most common form of abuse, which includes physical, emotional, sexual, and financial forms.
Self-love can be the key to healing from domestic violence. This starts with self-acceptance and then moves on to self-care. It is important to remember that you are worth it and deserve better than what you have been through.
You have been through a horrific time in your life. You have seen and heard things that nightmares are made up of. You don’t feel that you are worth the healing and recovery from the abuse.
Sis, you are so worth it. You have the right to be happy, loved, seen, and heard. This is a moment in your life don’t let it take the rest of your life too.
Why is it Hard to Start on the Road to Self-Love?
To start on the road to self-love, you need to be able to accept your flaws and embrace them. You need to be able to look at yourself and think, “I am not perfect, but I am good enough.”
You need to be able to be vulnerable with yourself. I know that you may think that sounds crazy, but we will push our thoughts and feelings deep down. You don’t want to feel or think about the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that arise. I know because I have been in the same spot before.
Having negative and fearful thoughts is part of the healing process and one step that you can’t skip over. You must face the demons that you have inside you due to the abuse.
The first time I had to face the fear and negative thoughts I had I was in a safe place each time. I would be with my therapist, mentor, or my coach. When exploring the fear and negative thoughts be somewhere safe and have safe people around you when exploring this in your life.
Many women start down the road of self-love, but they don’t finish the whole trip, or they get scared to even start down the road. The self-love journey isn’t easy, but it is so worth it.
What is Self-Love and Why It’s Important
Every woman needs someone they can turn to. They need someone they can trust. For many women, that person is themselves. It’s important for them to learn to love themselves again and see themselves as worthy of being loved by others.
Self-love is a journey that starts by building up your self-esteem and self-confidence. It requires an individual to believe in themselves and their own ability without relying on the approval of others.
It means accepting yourself for who you are, with all your flaws and shortcomings, regardless of how society views you or what other people expect from you.
It means not giving up on yourself when life seems too hard or when things don’t go your way all the time.
Instead, it means standing by yourself through thick and thin.
How To Learn to Love Yourself Again After Experiencing Domestic Violence
It is hard to learn to love yourself again after domestic violence. It is not just the physical violence that hurts you but the emotional and mental abuse as well.
It is important to remember that you are not alone in this journey of learning how to love yourself again after experiencing domestic violence. There are many other people who have been through what you have, and they can share their stories with you as well as give you advice on how they learned to love themselves again.
The first step towards learning how to love yourself again is acknowledging what has happened and accepting it for what it was – a violation of your body, mind, and spirit. This may seem like a difficult thing to do but it will help in recovering from the trauma and moving forward with your life.
How to Start the Healing Process with Self Love
Journaling is a powerful tool for self-love. It can help you get to the root of your problems and come up with solutions.
The first step in journaling is to write down what you want to work on or what’s bothering you at that moment in time. The next step is to write about how it makes you feel. This will help you understand the issue better and find ways to solve it more easily.
The important thing is that you be honest in your journal with yourself. You don’t have to show this to anybody unless you want to and if you do, please show a safe person. Don’t go back and show your abuser and tell them this is all the things they have done to you and put you through. That could be dangerous, and they probably won’t show any remorse for what they did to you.
This skill took me a while to do. I felt silly just writing down my thoughts and about my day. I thought I lived it so why write it down it’s not like I will ever forget what happened to me. So, I didn’t do it for months. When I finally quit being so stubborn and tried it out, I fell in love with journaling.
If you don’t know how to start out or what to write about you can start the way I did and that was writing down every thought, I was having and how I was feeling at that moment in time. I also would follow journal prompts so I would have something to write about. I have some journal prompts you can use to help you get started. Just don’t overthink what you are writing.
Set Boundaries for Yourself
When you are practicing self-love after domestic abuse one of the steps you need to take is to set boundaries with yourself. We set boundaries for ourselves because we love and respect ourselves.
There is no rule saying how to set boundaries with yourself or what the boundaries should be. This is just to give you some ideas on how to set boundaries and what boundaries you could have for yourself.
How to set a boundary starts with you doing some self-reflection and asking yourself if his boundary helps you make a positive change to your emotional and physical health.
Start small and don’t overwhelm yourself with setting a bunch of boundaries. Remember that you have been through a lot with domestic violence. This exercise isn’t for you to set yourself up to fail.
Be consistent when you set a boundary for yourself to try to stick to that boundary the best you can. If you do cross the boundary don’t be negative to yourself, we all cross our own boundaries sometimes. Just acknowledge what happens and move forward.
Talk about your boundaries with others. There may be people in your life that will cross your boundaries and not care that you have set up these boundaries. Those people may be unsafe right now in this time of your life.
Here are some examples of boundaries:
- Sticking to a budget you have planned out
- Limiting how much time you watch TV
- Limit how much screen time you have on social media in one day
- Not working past a certain time
- Keep a regular bedtime and time you get up in the morning
- Eating no junk food
- Doing all the shopping on a certain day
- Brushing your teeth daily
These are just a couple of examples of self-boundaries there are many more that you can set for yourself. Just remember to start out small. Don’t put a lot of boundaries on yourself because that could set you up to fail.
Also, you have had someone else set your boundaries for you in the abusive relationship and you may feel at this time that you cannot set boundaries for yourself. If you do feel that way, I would say to set at least one or two so you can get in the practice of setting the boundaries up. Setting up boundaries is a great way to show yourself self-love.
I remember when I set up boundaries for myself, I set only a couple of them up. They mostly had to do with having a morning and evening routine. I don’t do well without my routines so I set up a boundary on what the routine will be and how I will follow the routine daily.
Have Fun Again
This is one that is often forgotten about in self-love after domestic violence and that is to have fun again in your life. You may not remember what you use to do for fun so come up with new ways to have fun.
There are so many ways to have fun. This will be different for everyone. Here are a couple of ways you could have fun again.
- Having a hobby
- Going out with friends
- Watching a movie
- Listening to music
- Go swimming if warm outside
- Get a Mani or Pedi
- Find something to laugh at
- Have a game night with family or friends
- Go to the drive-in
That is just to list a few and get you thinking of ideas that you would find fun to do. It is important that you remember to have fun again. I know you have been through a lot and that you may just see dark days. That is why it is so significant to have fun. The dark days will get to be fewer and fewer.
When I first started to have fun again, I would have this feeling inside of me of feeling that it would be ruined at any time because that is how my life was with my abuser. The kids and I would be having fun, and he would find a way to have drama or make it all about himself negatively.
It took a couple of times of just letting go and having fun until I realized that he couldn’t mess up my good times anymore, and I would really let go and just have fun. I wouldn’t feel fearful of the time being ruined.
Treat Yourself with Love and Compassion
While you are practicing self-care after domestic violence remembers to treat yourself with love and compassion. Make sure you’re talking positively to yourself. Don’t put yourself down or talk negatively to yourself if you have a bad day or if you didn’t reach a goal you set.
While you are practicing self-love you won’t get it perfect nobody does. We all fall short daily. So please don’t feel that this must be done perfectly.
I joke with my family and friends that my recovery from domestic violence and other traumas in my life was somewhat of a mess. I would be happy one minute then start crying then go to angry just to return to happy. You will go through all the emotions while you are learning how to love yourself again.
Set yourself up for the best results by not being hard on yourself and remembering you are human. Self-love takes some time to re-learn after domestic violence and trauma.
Conclusion: The Importance of Loving Yourself in Recovery from Domestic Violence
Now that you have some steps to take and some ideas for practicing self-love. Go out there and give it a try. Remember to be easy on yourself and don’t put too much on yourself because that will set you up to fail.
Give yourself grace this is a new skill set you are learning, or you are relearning. The abuse took so much from you because you had to protect yourself and listen to someone putting you down daily.
You can do this and know that I love you enough until you can learn to love yourself. I had plenty of people that loved me until I learned how to love myself.
Please leave a comment below about anything you feel in your heart. I will answer every comment that comes in. It will be me that answers you back.
Have a blessed rest of the day.