Do you have healthy boundaries in your relationship? Are your relationship boundaries set up the right way? Do you know how to enforce your boundaries?
If you are in a relationship setting boundaries or limits is very important. It lets your partner know what you will or will not allow. What you expect out of them.
This is also good for your emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical health. You will be able to feel the benefits of having boundaries.
When you don’t have any in place, you will feel that also. You will feel like you are taking advantage of, and just being around people will wear you out.
Come on this journey with me and let me help you figure out what exactly a boundary is and how to set them up in your relationship.
What does setting boundaries mean
Setting boundaries simply mean that you are telling someone what your limits are. Another way to look at it is by laying down the rules.
You are protecting yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
This is not an easy task and some people struggle with this. I used to struggle with this and in doing that I put myself in harm’s way many times. Now I clearly state what my rules are for being in my life.
Why is it important to set boundaries
This is very important. I can not express how important it is to set up limits for yourself. Like I said above, you are protecting yourself.
You are protecting yourself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I can not say that enough. I wish I had had someone that would have told me this back when I was younger.
You can start setting up limits at any time in your life. You can even start today. Do start today because they are that important to have.
Setting boundaries in relationships
I know reading that headline is confusing for some people. They do not understand why they need boundaries with the person they love. We are supposed to let our loved ones do anything and say anything. That would be wrong by the way.
When you are in a relationship, that is when boundaries are the most important. A lot of you will only think of your partner when reading about relationships. However, this goes with any relationship you have in your life.
When establishing limits with your partner, loved ones, friends, and just anyone in your life. You want to use the “I” statement when setting up rules. For example: “I would like it if you did not kiss me while we are out in town”.
When using “I” statements, you own what you are saying. You are stating something that is your limit, and it is very straightforward. Always use the “I” statement rule when you are setting up your limits.
Type of boundaries in relationships
There are mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries. When you set these, you are separating yourself from your partner. When there are no rules, that can lead to a very toxic relationship.
You will feel your partner’s emotions, and then they will become your emotions. You say “yes” but you really mean “no”. Not only that, but you are people-pleasing when you do this.
You stay in a harmful and hurtful relationship because you have no boundaries set up with your partner or with yourself.
So here are some examples of healthy boundaries:
- I will leave if you abuse me in any way
- I do not want to have sex
- I will not tolerate you yelling at me
- I want us to be exclusive
- I want you to be able to support yourself and not depend on me
- I want to work and be able to have my own money
- I do not want you to ever yell at my children
Those are just a few examples. I know they are strong examples. I want you to know that these are important. If they are not being respected, then you are in a toxic relationship and need to leave or get help.
When boundaries are crossed in relationships
This is considered a toxic relationship and could put you in danger. At first, you may brush it off as just a bad day for you and your partner.
It is so much more than that. If your partner really loves you and respects you, then they will not cross your boundaries. They will respect the limits you have put down.
If you are in a relationship and your limits are being disrespected and crossed repeatedly then you need to get help and/or leave that relationship.
How to enforce boundaries in relationships
This is something that will feel weird at first, and you might feel uncomfortable. To do this, you may have to repeat your rules. However, if you are having to repeat your rules repeatedly over and over, then you need to step back and look at the situation you are in.
Enforce your boundary shouldn’t be hard to do if you are with someone that respects you. If the person doesn’t respect you, then enforcing can feel like a chore, and you feel like you repeat yourself over and over.
When I was having to enforce my boundaries at first this was hard. I thought that surely it was just me and that he didn’t mean to cross my limits so much. That he was just having a bad day and needs me to give him a break. This was completely wrong. This thinking put me in harm’s way and leaving me to be hurt over and over emotionally.
See setting a boundary should protect you from being hurt. It is in place for a reason. You set that limit up for a reason. If you are unsure if your limit is being crossed ask yourself if this is something you would allow another person to do to you. If the answer is no then your boundary is being crossed.
Remember that if your rules are being crossed over and over then you are In a toxic relationship. Your partner is toxic because they do not respect the limits you put up. You need to get help or leave if you can.
Leave me a comment if you have ever had your boundary crossed and if so what did you do. You can reach out to me any time of the day, and it will be me who answers back. Nobody else will see. You are in a safe place.