Today, I am going to talk about relationship cycles. This would be the toxic cycle, that you would have with a toxic partner, in an unhealthy relationship. This type of relationship is lacking intimacy.
Relationship patterns can be both good and bad. Today we are talking about unhealthy patterns. Patterns that send people into a toxic love cycle. In this type of relationship, there are no clear boundaries. There is only a toxic love cycle. This makes for a very dysfunctional relationship.
I remember in my past relationship I would go through the toxic cycle. I would jump out of one relationship to another one, and they were considered a bad relationship. Furthermore, I would be in a toxic pattern with my abuser. In doing this, I experienced controlling behavior and violence from my abuser.
In this happening, I in return had low self-esteem. I just kept staying in a toxic situation. I know the struggle it can be to get out of the toxic relationship cycle
I was able to break free and have healthy boundaries and romantic relationships. This is what I want for all of you. Just stick with me and I will explain how you can get out of the toxic cycle. Having a healthy relationship is possible.
The toxic cycle of a dysfunctional relationship is the tension-building stage, the explosion stage, and the honeymoon stage. You usually can tell what phase your relationship is in and after a couple of times of the cycle, you know when the phases are going to switch and only get worse.
When I was in my abusive relationship, I would think that it was my fault. After some time in recovery from the abuse, I found out that none of it was my fault.
The tension-building stage is when you feel the tension building up. This is when you feel like you are walking on eggshells, and you can feel the tension building in your relationship
. He may be really short with you at times, be a smart ass, put you down, tell you that you do nothing right, and just act like everything you do gets on his nerves.
In this phase, you will most likely feel so drained emotionally because you are trying so hard to make sure you do everything he wants you to do. You may feel mentally worn out because of the emotional baggage he is putting on you.
You could be nice, and he is still acting like you are being impossible or that you are doing things to upset him on purpose when that could be farthest from the truth. Furthermore, you would give anything to have a pleasant and peaceful night.
The explosion stage is when things really get a bit crazy around you. This is when the yelling and the abuse will start. This could be physical, mental, and emotional abuse. He will act like he just can’t stand what you are doing any longer and that he is beyond over it
. He will blame you for him being mean and upset. That the way he is acting is completely your fault because you wouldn’t do what he wanted, basically. I know that is tough to hear, but that is what it boils down to.
When I was in my abusive relationship in this phase, I would be blamed for the way he was acting. That he was being hateful because I just didn’t listen to him when he would talk, that I wouldn’t spend any time with him, and that I acted like I didn’t love him.
I would believe this too. I would think that my relationship was falling apart all because of me. That it was my fault we were having trouble in our relationship. It was a pretty dark and heavy feeling. At times, I thought I can’t take this anymore. If I did speak up, then the physical abuse would start.
I want you to know that it is not your fault. I don’t care what he says to you none of it is your fault for him to be acting like a child. He is a grown man and can control his temper and his anger.
He is also a big boy and needs to take responsibility for his own actions and why he is unhappy. Stop blaming yourself and stop letting him blame you. Nobody deserves to be abused in any form.
The honeymoon stage is when the abusive partner is sorry for what they have said and done. They will go on and on about how they didn’t mean it, and they are sorry for the way they acted. They expect you to forgive them.
They will literally go straight to the explosion stage if you don’t or if you try to stand up for yourself. I know that this phase can also feel good because the abuser will act sweet, maybe buy you stuff, tell you that it will never happen again, and you feel like okay this relationship is going to make it.
I know this feeling and how great it can feel. That you will feel like the most loved girl on this planet. Let me assure you and tell you that this will not last long or forever unless something or someone helps, for the cycle to stop.
That if nothing breaks the cycle, then this will all happen again. Take this from someone that has lived in this Hell before.
Get help for this because the emotions you are feeling could be hurt, anger, frustration, and feeling unloved will not just magically go away. Let me tell you, it is okay that you feel this way. You can not expect to have the feelings go away overnight.
He may be acting like everything is just great, but deep inside you are still hurting. I know that feeling, and it can be a lonely feeling.
Toxic Relationship Cycle
The toxic relationship cycle is the same as the toxic cycle listed above. In this abusive relationship, both partners are codependent on one another. Being codependent means that you have to have somebody in your life at all times, even if this person isn’t good for you.
When you are codependent, you also take on the emotions of your partners. If they feel sad when you feel sad. If they feel happy, then you are happy. This is not healthy, and you need to get help for codependency.
There needs to be a break in the cycle for the toxic cycle to stop. There is counseling that can help with this. Another great way to get help is from a life coach. You can have your own life coach or you could both get a life coach. I just suggest you both work by yourself with the life coach and not together unless the life coach requests that.
If married you could go to couple counseling or you could both get a life coach. As I said above though it would probably be good if you work separately with a coach.
Sometimes there is no way to save the relationship and couples will divorce or break up. When you are married, it may feel like you are in a toxic marriage.
Substance Abuse and the Toxic Relationship Cycle
When substances become involved, this can make the toxic cycle so much worse for both parties involved. If both of you or just one of you are using or drinking, this can add stress to the relationship and make the cycle worse.
With substance use, there is a big change in the person’s behavior and the way they react to life. This does not make it okay for abuse to happen in any form. It does sometimes explain though why we stay in the relationship.
When I was in my abusive relationship years ago, we were both using, and I was being abused by him almost daily. He would say the meanest things to me and would get physically abusive. I was using, so I stayed in the relationship way longer than I should have. So, if this is you, then know that I don’t judge you.
I also want you to know that it is not okay. You need to get help for the substance abuse and for the abuse you are experiencing from your abusive partner.
Breaking Toxic Relationship Cycles
In order to break the toxic relationship cycle, you need to get professional help. This can come in many forms, such as life coaching. I believe that if you are going to get the help that you require to work on yourself and not go together. You require getting help for yourself before you can even think about fixing or working on your relationship.
I Would Love To Work With You
I would love a chance to work with you. I am a certified women’s empowerment coach. Furthermore, I help women who aligned their life, so they can feel empowered and build confidence. I have a passion to work with women who are in abusive or toxic relationships.
I know how alone it can feel when you are being abused and feel like you have nobody. You have let all your friends go, or he has made it to where you are completely isolated. I want to help you build back that positive and healthy life.
What You Can Do Now
The toxic relationship cycle is something that I didn’t know about when I was in my abusive relationship. I wanted to write this article, so you could get off the hamster wheel of going around and around with this cycle.
To stop the cycle you have to find a way to make it stop, This could be done by breaking the cycle.
I know that it can be scary to think about change, even if that change is stopping abuse and leaving the person you have given years of your life to or even months to. I know that it also hurts inside your heart and body to stay.
That you feel like you are falling into a darker and darker hole with no end in sight. You are strong though and can do this. Life shouldn’t be so hard and your life shouldn’t be where you are left feeling like you are alone and feel dark inside.
I also know that you have the strength to pick yourself up and hold that pretty head up and grow into the empowered woman you are meant to be.
If you have any questions or comments, just write them below, and I will personally be the one to answer you back. If you want a chance to work with me, click the button below and schedule a call with me today.